Rarely does it happen that an over-educated dilettante admits to watching hours of mind numbing reruns and reality t.v. But I’m spending my summer vacation at the mercy of a channel surfer, in a feeble attempt to provide 24 hour care for my mother.
Since June, my mother’s physical health and memory have been declining faster than the speed of sound. Dementia. like the mad scientist of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’ keeps her riveted to a 42 inch flat screen. I’ve been reduced to the role of the alien robot at her side as she spends her nights waving at toddlers and muttering wisecracks at QVC hosts or talk show guests.
Considering the amount of hours I’ve clocked as a NYCares volunteer you’d assume that I’d know all the right people to dispense advice about obtaining proper home care. But nothing could be further from the truth. The old cliche, it’s not what you know but who you does not apply to my situation. Searching for a punctual, qualified health-care professional is like Murphy Brown’s quest for a permanent secretary.
Refusing to give up hope, I wait in anticipation for the Alzheimer’s equivalent of a super nanny to offer more than 4 hours of relief in the morning. Meanwhile, my mother sits through another marathon of ‘John and Kate Plus 8.’ Amazingly enough, she recognises all of the sextuplets. Ask her who I am and she sounds like a bad imitation of Faye Dunaway in ‘Chinatown’, repeating “my sister ….. my daughter” in complete confusion.
I realize that the television remote is probably the last thing she has control over so I don’t mind her eclectic taste. Her favorite Sunday night routine is to watch the Mass from Saint Patrick’s Cathedral followed by ‘Gene Simmons Family Jewels’. During the week she sometimes lets me watch ‘The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch’ , but only if his guests are good looking. Fortunately, last week I caught a segment on success in the workplace. A sales professional was asking Mr. Deutsch’s panel for career advice while dealing with a parent’s “end of life” issues.
A close up of Mr. Deutsch showed sincere surprise. A panelist spoke first, then Mr. Duetsch offered his words of wisdom. His sage response was the opposite of everything I’ve ever heard a social worker, friend, colleague or someone claiming to be a relative say. Mr. Deutsch recommend that the man view his time at work as a chance to take a break from his overwhelming family responsibility. As someone who was born with that extra caretaker chromosome, I applaud Mr. Deutsch for his genius. I’ve used this strategy for the past three years and it really helps me to appreciate my boss and dread vacations.
I love my job and I can’t wait to go back to work. In the meantime, my friend and colleague, Lina Germosen stops by every Saturday to give me a break. Lina spends a few hours watching movies with my mom so I can go into Manhattan and feed the homeless.
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