Totally Organica: Totally Unbelievable
Posted by keith on April 22nd, 2009
This is shit. No seriously, it really is, but you would be forgiven for thinking that this press release from an organic bottled water company (yes, I didn’t think you could get non-organic water either) was the best thing since clean water pouring out of your tap into a glass. I made a few comments along the way, but for many of you it should be obvious how unbelievably wrong this is…
Sparkling Water Never Tasted So Clean
Totally Organica Celebrates Earth Day One PET Bottle at a Time
Las Vegas, NV – April 21, 2009 – Totally Organica (www.totallyorganica.com), the nation’s first line of USDA Certified organic sparkling water, has nothing artificial or unnatural about it – no added sugars, carbs, calories, sodium, or artificial flavorings, sweeteners or colors. With Earth Day [Couldn’t resist it, could they?] just around the corner, Totally Organica offers consumers a calorie-free, earth-friendly sparkling alternative to water [So putting flavoured water into a plastic bottle and transporting it thousands of miles is “Earth Friendly” is it?]. Totally Organica’s line of tantalizing waters includes eight tantalizing flavors; lemon lime, cranberry, green apple, raspberry, pomegranate, melon, and mint, all bottled in a stylish [Stylish, wow a stylish bit of plastic!] and narrow PET (polyethylene terephthalate) plastic bottle, one of the most recyclable plastics.
Totally Organica uses fully recyclable [Not recycled, just recyclable!] bottles to lessen the carbon footprint on Mother Earth, all while hydrating consumers with an all-natural and balanced water. According to NAPCOR (www.napcor.com), recycling a ton of PET containers saves 7.4 cubic yards of landfill space, and, after recycled, nineteen 20 oz. PET bottles yields enough fiber for an extra large T-shirt, or enough to make one square foot of carpet. Want enough fiber to fill a ski jacket? Then recycle fourteen 20 oz. PET bottles.
Earthday.gov defines Earth Day as “A time to celebrate gains we have made and create new visions to accelerate environmental progress.. Earth Day and every day is a time to act [So why did you pick this particular day to promote your brand?] to protect our planet”. Totally Organica is taking that initiative towards protecting the planet with the use of PET recyclable plastic. The first celebration of Earth Day was just 40 years ago, and only in 1991, less than 20 years ago, did Federal Agencies begin using recycled products. Since 2007, recycling rates of plastic bottles have gone up, while the bottle weight (with plastics like PET) continues to go down. Only with the creation of more recyclable plastics can this ratio become significant enough for planet Earth [Crap! Recycling isn’t significant at all, it’s just a feel good exercise for most people, who then carry on doing the same destructive other things.].
Totally Organica is committed to the three R’s of Earth Day; reducing landfill use [Not reducing the amount of bottled water, obviously], reusing plastics [So, do you encourage people to fill their bottles with tap water, then?] and encouraging consumers to recycle, all while using an all-natural water to help increase the awareness of the human effect on our planet. “Our PET plastic bottle is modern and chic, making it appealing to the everyday and eco-friendly consumer,” says Robert Colt, Chief Executive Officer of Organica Beverages. “Consumers can be eco-chic [Oh, just f*** off, Robert!] while refreshing and hydrating their body this Earth Day.”
Totally Organica sparkling waters are certified 100% by the USDA, retail for $1.49, and can be found throughout the country [See later] at many retailers,
including, Central Market and Whole Foods.
Earth Day enthusiasts [Well, that rules me out then…] who would like to know more about Totally Organica can visit http://www.totallyorganica.com. Interested media who would like to learn more about Totally Organica can contact Avalon Communications (www.avalon-comm.com) at 512-514-6047.
About Organica Beverages, Inc. Organica Beverages, Inc. is the manufacturer of the first flavored sparkling water to be certified as organic by the USDA. The company starts with pristine artesian water that flows from a spring directly into its plant in the Au Sable National Forest near the U.S. and Canadian border [I bet that road trip to Florida and Texas really pleases Mother Earth]. Every one of Organica Beverages’ eight refreshing sparkling water flavors is produced from organic essences, without any sugar or artificial flavorings added.
Whoo!
My response was appropriate simple, organic and natural:
Damn! and to think I was going to have water out of a tap. Now I’m gonna just *have* to buy some Totally Organica water, all the way from the USA.
You have guaranteed yourself a spot on the anti-greenwashing Unsuitablog
Keith