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Guerrilla Gardening Good : Adidas Bad

Posted by keith on 24th April 2009

This is a rather schizophrenic video, being — in the middle, main section — a pretty good film about Guerrilla Gardening, but bookended by commercial brainwashing. Given what I feel about corporations ramming their products home in the context of good stuff; and that Adidas have consistently been among the top three of corporations that direct, and thrive on, a fashion-drugged youth culture who are tragically lacking real insipiration to live real, free and good lives; I thought it would be interesting to do a breakdown of this video.

0′ 00″ Stylised city views at night with distinctly non-urban music; voice-over describing the situation
0′ 14″ “Adidas” logo appears — everything you see from now on will be associated with Adidas
0′ 20″ “Guerrilla Gardeners” logo appears — note that this has nothing to do with Richard Reynolds or the Guerrilla Gardening movement, it is a commercial. But Adidas clearly want you to think they are part of it.
0′ 37″ After a clearly scripted reconnaissance bit, seed bombs make an appearance. The implication is that they are a bit “naughty”, like hash — no bad thing given the target audience.
1′ 00″ After a build up, a meeting takes place, then the “hit” is planned in a fair bit of detail — generally sound stuff, although they seem to have an awful lot of money: trees don’t come cheap, especially as much of the planting is likely to be damaged and will need maintenance.
1′ 30″ Driving around, doing heisty stuff with a palm tree sticking out of the sunroof. It’s starting to grate a bit.
2′ 00″ The planting bit. I can’t really get over the scripting: “That manure stinks, man!” If the manure stinks then it’s too fresh and contains too much urea – tender plants will be damaged. Science bit over.
2′ 26″ Work complete, everyone happy. It’s very nice. Big smiles and breakfasts all round.
2′ 46″ Here it comes: “You look around the city, you think, ‘Why does everyone just accept it as it is?’ I reckon there’s all sorts of way of leaving your mark.”

The video ends, leaving quite a few people inspired to do some Guerrilla Gardening.

Oh no it doesn’t!

2′ 53″ “That’s what makes it yours.” Multiscreen globe spins, ending up on Adidas logo.

The video ends, leaving a small number of people inspired to do some Guerrilla Gardening, and plenty of people with a good feeling about Adidas.

Guerrilla Gardening, Just Do It!

(In your face, Adidas ;-) )

N.B: I know this video has been around for a while, but it’s only just been sent to me, and is still totting up views from people convinced it’s all for the good.

Posted in Adverts, Astroturfs, Corporate Hypocrisy | 3 Comments »

Totally Organica: Totally Unbelievable

Posted by keith on 22nd April 2009

Tap Water

This is shit. No seriously, it really is, but you would be forgiven for thinking that this press release from an organic bottled water company (yes, I didn’t think you could get non-organic water either) was the best thing since clean water pouring out of your tap into a glass. I made a few comments along the way, but for many of you it should be obvious how unbelievably wrong this is…

Sparkling Water Never Tasted So Clean

Totally Organica Celebrates Earth Day One PET Bottle at a Time

Las Vegas, NV – April 21, 2009 – Totally Organica (www.totallyorganica.com), the nation’s first line of USDA Certified organic sparkling water, has nothing artificial or unnatural about it – no added sugars, carbs, calories, sodium, or artificial flavorings, sweeteners or colors. With Earth Day [Couldn’t resist it, could they?] just around the corner, Totally Organica offers consumers a calorie-free, earth-friendly sparkling alternative to water [So putting flavoured water into a plastic bottle and transporting it thousands of miles is “Earth Friendly” is it?]. Totally Organica’s line of tantalizing waters includes eight tantalizing flavors; lemon lime, cranberry, green apple, raspberry, pomegranate, melon, and mint, all bottled in a stylish [Stylish, wow a stylish bit of plastic!] and narrow PET (polyethylene terephthalate) plastic bottle, one of the most recyclable plastics.

Totally Organica uses fully recyclable [Not recycled, just recyclable!] bottles to lessen the carbon footprint on Mother Earth, all while hydrating consumers with an all-natural and balanced water. According to NAPCOR (www.napcor.com), recycling a ton of PET containers saves 7.4 cubic yards of landfill space, and, after recycled, nineteen 20 oz. PET bottles yields enough fiber for an extra large T-shirt, or enough to make one square foot of carpet. Want enough fiber to fill a ski jacket? Then recycle fourteen 20 oz. PET bottles.

Earthday.gov defines Earth Day as “A time to celebrate gains we have made and create new visions to accelerate environmental progress.. Earth Day and every day is a time to act [So why did you pick this particular day to promote your brand?] to protect our planet”. Totally Organica is taking that initiative towards protecting the planet with the use of PET recyclable plastic. The first celebration of Earth Day was just 40 years ago, and only in 1991, less than 20 years ago, did Federal Agencies begin using recycled products. Since 2007, recycling rates of plastic bottles have gone up, while the bottle weight (with plastics like PET) continues to go down. Only with the creation of more recyclable plastics can this ratio become significant enough for planet Earth [Crap! Recycling isn’t significant at all, it’s just a feel good exercise for most people, who then carry on doing the same destructive other things.].

Totally Organica is committed to the three R’s of Earth Day; reducing landfill use [Not reducing the amount of bottled water, obviously], reusing plastics [So, do you encourage people to fill their bottles with tap water, then?] and encouraging consumers to recycle, all while using an all-natural water to help increase the awareness of the human effect on our planet. “Our PET plastic bottle is modern and chic, making it appealing to the everyday and eco-friendly consumer,” says Robert Colt, Chief Executive Officer of Organica Beverages. “Consumers can be eco-chic [Oh, just f*** off, Robert!] while refreshing and hydrating their body this Earth Day.”

Totally Organica sparkling waters are certified 100% by the USDA, retail for $1.49, and can be found throughout the country [See later] at many retailers,
including, Central Market and Whole Foods.

Earth Day enthusiasts [Well, that rules me out then…] who would like to know more about Totally Organica can visit http://www.totallyorganica.com. Interested media who would like to learn more about Totally Organica can contact Avalon Communications (www.avalon-comm.com) at 512-514-6047.

About Organica Beverages, Inc. Organica Beverages, Inc. is the manufacturer of the first flavored sparkling water to be certified as organic by the USDA. The company starts with pristine artesian water that flows from a spring directly into its plant in the Au Sable National Forest near the U.S. and Canadian border [I bet that road trip to Florida and Texas really pleases Mother Earth]. Every one of Organica Beverages’ eight refreshing sparkling water flavors is produced from organic essences, without any sugar or artificial flavorings added.

Whoo!

My response was appropriate simple, organic and natural:

Damn! and to think I was going to have water out of a tap. Now I’m gonna just *have* to buy some Totally Organica water, all the way from the USA.

You have guaranteed yourself a spot on the anti-greenwashing Unsuitablog

Keith

Posted in Adverts, Corporate Hypocrisy | No Comments »

And The Earth Day Winners Are…

Posted by keith on 20th April 2009

Earth Day 2009

In case anyone wants to accuse me of laziness, for using the text from other peoples’ emails and for banging on about Earth Day again (not for no good reason, I hasten to add), I would like to say in my defence that I have to trawl through, read and delete all this damn stuff which comes squeezing its way through my internet pipe every day like lots of little green goo-soaked monsters.

So, given this effort, and how I still don’t seem to have got through to the inane fools sending me so much pseudo-green trivia and corporate PR-puff, here’s my Top 3 Crap Earth Day Emails, in approximate order of hypocrisy:

3. Coupon Sherpa : for uber-trivia – as though coupons are actually a major issue, the promotion of coupons that encourage people to buy more stuff, and iPhones, which are made by a near-slave workforce with virtually no environmental regulation

As Earth Day nears, Coupon Sherpa’s new iPhone application demonstrates how mobile coupons can reduce waste

[Fort Collins, CO] – Envision all the printed coupons you receive via newspapers, magazines and direct mail. Millions upon millions of Americans are bombarded by piles of paper coupons every week. Coupon Sherpa offers an alternative that is friendly to the environment, convenient for consumers and beneficial for retailers.

Introduced in early April, Coupon Sherpa is an iPhone application that allows shoppers to access in-store coupons on their iPhone or iPod Touch. Approved by Apple, Coupon Sherpa (www.couponsherpa.com) is available at the iPhone App Store. There are coupons to over 100 merchants on Coupon Sherpa including Finish Line, Zales Jewelers, Coldwater Creek and Jackson-Hewitt. The coupon categories include clothing, restaurants, pet supplies, sporting goods, home & garden and entertainment.

The debut of Coupon Sherpa is timely, especially since Earth Day will be celebrated on April 22. The waste created by paper coupons is substantial. According to a report by the nonprofit group ForestEthics, “mail advertisements create 51.5 million metric tons of greenhouse gases each year.” [Ed: Mail adverts do not equate to coupons, you moron!] That number is equivalent to the emissions produced by heating about 13 million houses or mowing more than 20 billion lawns.

“We know that paper coupons will not be completely replaced, but providing consumers and retailers with an outlet for mobile coupons is a positive start towards reducing the waste created by the mountains of mail we all receive,” said Luke Knowles, who created Coupon Sherpa with his brother Jesse Knowles. “In the future, an increasing amount of coupons will be presented on mobile devices, and that will be great for the environment.”

2. Kelly Ripa and Electrolux : for being an incredible mix of greenwash and hypocrisy. This is like punching someone in the face and then saying “sorry” in a really sarcastic way.

Kelly Ripa Launches Virtual Campaign To Benefit Global Green

How Green Is This! Talk show host and eco-Mom [Ed: Eco what?! More like Hyper-Consuming Mom], Kelly Ripa launched Electrolux’s newest eco-friendly washer & dryer in limited edition “Kelly Green” just in time for Earth Day and kicked off an online campaign to encourage people to renew their commitment to living green by planting a virtual flower for a friend. For every virtual flower planted at electroluxappliances.com , Electrolux will donate $1 to Global Green USA to support their healthy green schools initiatives across America.

Pass me the sick bag!

1. Lexus and Alicia Keys : for leaving me open-mouthed with astonishment at the sheer level of environmental hypocrisy, coupled with a brilliantly conceived splash of student brainwashing; all for less than the cost of a single car.

To kick off Earth Month, Lexus, the top-selling luxury automaker, and multi Grammy award-winning recording artist, Alicia Keys, will honor Los Angeles’ Thomas Jefferson High School with a $10,000 Grand Prize for its environmental achievements through the “Lexus Keys to Innovation” program. The “Lexus Keys to Innovation” program is a unique way for Lexus and Alicia Keys to recognize and reward students who have successfully implemented innovative environmental programs in their schools and communities.

Through “Lexus Keys to Innovation,” Lexus and Alicia Keys presented ten schools across the country with a $2,000 donation to support existing environmental programs. Thomas Jefferson High School’s “action plan” proposed that the $10,000 Grand Prize be used to create a native “green” space on campus for the students and faculty to utilize as an interactive educational tool.

The mission of the program is to better this South LA high school and community by bringing a much needed green space to the area which is currently dominated by [huge amounts of greenhouse gases generated by vehicles such as those produced by Lexus,] concrete, meat packing plants and factories. Additionally, the space will help to improve the air quality around the campus, and will allow students at Thomas Jefferson High School and nearby Harmony Elementary School to use the Green Space as an outdoor science lab.

The Environmental club at Thomas Jefferson High School will make this project a community effort by partnering with the local Harmony Elementary School to teach the younger members of their community the importance of taking an active role to better the environment.

During a school-wide assembly [and marketing opportunity] on April 2nd, Lexus’ vice president of marketing, Dave Nordstrom, will present the Grand Prize as well as commemorative, native Californian sapling to plant in the “green” space to Thomas Jefferson High School. As an added “thank you” to the students of Thomas Jefferson, Alicia Keys has videotaped a special message that will be played at the assembly, prior to Dave’s commemorative.

Now, will you all join me in sticking two fingers up at the winners – including our special celebrities. May they all be washed away when the tide turns…

Posted in Adverts, Celebrity Hypocrisy, Corporate Hypocrisy, Promotions, Sponsorship, Techno Fixes | 7 Comments »

Innocent Drinks: A Very Predictable Sell-Out

Posted by keith on 12th April 2009

Richard Reed

I can still hear the silence, and feel the stares in the back of my neck, as I walked towards the exit door during Richard Reed’s presentation — a presentation that he thought would paint him as the capitalist saviour of the planet — stung by a comment that told me, ever so clearly, that Innocent Drinks were no better than any other profit-making entity. They just had the fingerprints of the over-eager, light-green glitterati over their bottles: a slavering mob of idiots who thought, and still think, that the solution to ecological collapse lies in the exchange of capital.

Innocent drinks have sold a stake in their business for £30million (about $45m) to Coca Cola:

Innocent, the defiantly non-corporate maker of fruit smoothies, juices and veg pots, has finally lost its innocence after selling a stake to US giant Coca-Cola for £30m.

Innocent, which markets itself as eco-friendly and distributes drinks in vans made to look like cows, has sold a minority stake of between 10% and 20% to Coca-Cola in order to raise funds so it can expand into Europe.

The sale of the stake marks a watershed moment for the 10-year-old company as it becomes the latest high profile success story to sell-up to a corporate giant.

Innocent joins alumni which include UK sandwich chain Pret a Manger, which sold a minority stake to McDonald’s, ice-cream maker Ben & Jerry’s, which sold up to Unilever, and Cadbury, which took over trendy organic chocolate company Green & Black’s.

I have nothing to add beyond what I wrote back in November 2007, following my exit from Mr Reed’s appropriately smooth presentation — an article that included the words “Coca Cola”:

Ok, being uber-cool in jeans, t-shirt and Ugg boots on a stage in front of 300 environmentalists of varying shades is not, in itself, reason to have someone walk out on you, but I did give it at least 2 minutes before I left. Here’s why.

I had spent a day and a half at the 2007 Be The Change conference in London, listening to some brilliant talks from David Wasdell, Rob Hopkins and Stewart Wallis among others; some of the talks made me hopeful, others made me angry – these were the good ones.

Late in the morning Richard Reed of Innocent Drinks (no, you can’t have a link) stepped out on the stage in the above accoutrements, and started what was essentialy an advertising spiel about himself and the company. Now don’t forget that there were some pretty hard-core anti-corporate people in here, so he would not have been expected to approach his subject in the same way as he would if, say, he was speaking in front of a Corporate “Social Responsibility” (sic.) seminar. He obviously forgot this, and less than two minutes in he presented a slide which said:

Capitalism Has Won

This is a good thing.

Bizarrely, Innocent Drinks are actually a pretty good company as far as companies go, apart from the fact that they sell millions of drinks in small containers. Ok, they are one of the better companies that sell drinks in small containers. Coca Cola are shit. Just so you know where I am coming from.

I saw a shade of pink when I saw that slide. Firstly, capitalism hasn’t “won”, unless you consider “winning” to be sweeping all before it in a toxic cloud and burning the planet as it goes leaving us in the kind of mess that means any future the planet has will probably not involve arcane calculations involving interest rates and margin calls. Second, and for the reasons I have stated, that is not “a good thing”.

Then Richard Reed of Innocent Drinks said:

“If it wasn’t for capitalism we’d probably still be living in mud huts”

This is the kind of person that some environmentalists think is a good guy. So, Mr Reed, which is better in the long run: living in a mud hut (yurt, tipi, stone and turf house or any other low impact dwelling) that is highly sustainable with a minute impact on the environment; or living in a typical industrial society dwelling which in your case probably has a number of cars, a great deal of lighting and appliances, carbon dioxide spewing concrete, perhaps a patio, a swimming pool even, and of course air conditioning?

“we’d probably still be living in mud huts”

Yeh, right on! Why not have a pop at the tribes who live rich, sustainable lives. Their lives are appalling aren’t they? Well, they are now we’ve introduced disease to their homelands. Oh, and convinced them they they need material wealth in order to be happy. And then thrown them out of their homelands because this great capitalist society wanted the wealth buried beneath their feet. And then denied them any rights.

“living in mud huts”

I have friends who live in one-room shacks made from recycled timber. They share things and have communal living spaces, and live in touch with their natural surroundings which they are trying to protect. They are some of the happiest people I know.

I was sitting in the front row. I saw red. I stood up, tutted loudly then stamped my way to the back and walked through the doors.

Posted in Corporate Hypocrisy | 9 Comments »

Supermarket Vouchers: The Brainwashing Continues, But We Can Stop It

Posted by keith on 23rd March 2009

Active Kids Banner School Fence

People aren’t listening: this is the season of supermarket voucher collecting in schools around the UK, and the exortations to “Collect! Collect! Collect!” are coming thick and fast, in every newsletter sent home with students, on every school website, and on posters liberally pasted and hung on the walls of a school near you.

I have tried my best to be analytical and instructive. The Unsuitablog published a series of three articles last year giving details about the operation of, the commercial incentives and the brainwashing imposed by such schemes. Here they are, in case you missed them:

http://thesietch.org/mysietch/keith/2008/10/13/school-supermarket-voucher-special-introduction/

http://thesietch.org/mysietch/keith/2008/10/15/school-supermarket-voucher-special-greenwashing-children/

http://thesietch.org/mysietch/keith/2008/10/17/school-supermarket-vouchers-special-winners-losers-and-fighting-back/

The schemes are back with a vengeance – most prominently the newly rebranded Tesco for Schools & Clubs and the Sainsbury Active Kids 2009 schemes: both designed to teach children and their parents that supermarkets are a force for social good, and not the commercial resource-sucking, community-killing, globalization machines that anyone who pauses for even a short moment would realise they really are.

In the last article I tried to suggest ways of stopping these schemes, and tried a number of them myself, to little effect – all except for one, which worked wonderfully!

All you need is a pair of these:

Wire Cutters / Snips

Take a look at the photo at the top of this article, paying particular attention to how the incidious banners — which provide supermarkets with wonderful free advertising on public land — are attached. Not very securely, are they?

Now, with your wire cutters to hand, pay a visit to any school which has one of these banners, preferably when it is dark, and with just four quiet snips, you can cut down this brainwashing tool, stuff it into a bag (why not use a Tesco or a Sainsbury’s one, for extra irony) and then put it in a bin a few streets away. It’s not illegal, by the way: you are doing a public service, and the banner was a “gift”, rather than part of a contractual arrangement.

Once you have done it once, then you’ll want to do it again: and maybe in a short while, we will have together, given the supermarkets a good kick in the balls, which is the least they deserve.

Posted in Advice, Corporate Hypocrisy, Promotions, Public Sector Hypocrisy, Sabotage | 2 Comments »

Coal Industry Spokesman “Doesn’t Know” If Coal Causes Global Warming

Posted by keith on 6th March 2009

Thanks to The Reality Blog for this superb link to a CNN item that showed how much horseshit the coal industry is spewing. Note: I am not the kind of “environmentalist” who supports carbon capture and storage or carbon trading in any way, shape or form…

Joe Lucas, the spokesman for the American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity (ACCCE) was just interviewed for a piece exploring the myth of “clean” coal. (You may remember ACCCE as the folks who spent over $10.5 million on energy lobbying.)

It seems that the spokesman who represents the industry that puts out more than one third of our CO2 emissions — the leading cause of global warming — is having some trouble grasping reality.

(full video at http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2009/03/04/am.acosta.clean.coal.cnn)

Transcript of Lucas bit:

Still the industry refuses to say its plants contribute to global warming.
[Question:] Can you just answer that yes or no? If you believe that burning coal causes global warming?
[Joe Lucas:] I don’t know, I’m not a scientist.


You don’t have to be a scientist to know that burning coal is a leading source of global warming pollution. (”GHG Emissions and Sinks 1990–2006,” US EPA 2008.)

But it certainly is hard to believe that while the industry has spent $10.5 million on lobbying, their spokesman isn’t better informed.

Now, open your minds and allow this extraordinary piece of propaganda to enter your psyche: you know you want to believe…

Do you enjoy your place in the machine?

Posted in Adverts, Company Policies, Corporate Hypocrisy, Techno Fixes | No Comments »

Clear Channel: Eco Billboards And Brainwashing

Posted by keith on 5th March 2009

The Best Kind Of Billboard

Advertising is one of the main methods by which people are encouraged to continue feeding the global economic machine; it is a Tool Of Disconnection, a tool to ensure humans are kept tied to civilization and away from the kinds of connections that really matter. Advertising is pernicious; it changes the way people think; it implants cultural ideas and concepts in people of all ages, and it makes people do things that they otherwise would not do. Advertising is brainwashing, and it works…for the system.

Here is an extract from A Matter Of Scale:

On 1 April 2007, the Brazilian city of São Paolo officially became billboard free. The tide of advertising that had swamped every physical dimension of the city had become intolerable, even to the local authorities; such was the scale of the problem. The law that demanded the removal of all billboards was – incredibly – passed by a huge majority, with the only “no” voter being an advertising executive on the council. People are happy, except the advertisers, who made their position clear after the law was proposed:

Border, the Brazilian Association of Advertisers, was up in arms over the move. In a statement released on 2 October, the date on which law PL 379/06 was formally approved by the city council, Border called the new laws “unreal, ineffective and fascist”. It pointed to the tens of thousands of small businesses that would have to bear the burden of altering their shop fronts under regulations “unknown in their virulence in any other city in the world”.

We’re all smart enough to see through the rhetoric of these comments: “unreal, ineffective and fascist” are perfect descriptors for the synthetic, disconnected, material world that advertising has forced upon humanity – a world that is swamped with branding, corporate “messages”, sponsorship, flyers, free sheets, popups and numerous other forms of corporate propaganda. São Paolo may have lost its billboards, but the advertisers can still feed their messages to the public through newspapers, magazines, television, radio; even schools, into which corporations don’t so much sneak advertising, as blatantly trumpet the goodness of their products and services.

Almost every school in the UK collects Tesco and Sainsburys supermarket tokens, through which they can acquire computers and books. Every token handed over by every child is a graphic advertisement for competing brands that want their cut of the family shopping budget, and the future loyalty of the children who carry these little pieces of paper into the classroom. North America has it far worse: “It is never enough to tag the schools with a few logos. Having gained a foothold, the brand managers are now doing what they have done in music, sports and journalism outside the schools: trying to overwhelm their host. They are fighting for their brands to become not the add-on but the subject of education.” As you have seen, the individual is not offered real choice in this culture of consumption – simply “Conchoice”. The real choice has already been lost in favour of corporations that have sold entire populations down the commercial river: the individual’s ultimate dream is no longer a response to “what can I achieve in my life?” but “what can I buy?”

When I receive an email suggesting that there is such a thing as “Eco Billboards” then my blood starts to boil: which “Eco Billboards” are these that advertise cars, shopping malls, luxury holidays, political parties, energy companies? Tell me about your brave plan:

Hi Keith,

The outdoor advertising industry is getting an “eco” makeover! From now on major billboard companies like Clear Channel Outdoor will only accept ECO-posters created with polyethylene, the most commonly-recycled plastic in the world.

ECO-posters are 100% recyclable and better for the environment – the previous 30-sheet posters contributed about 150 million pounds annually to the nation’s landfills. ECO-posters also maintain their visible integrity longer, 90 days as opposed to 30 days with the previous posters. Other benefits include:

· No flagging or peeling with these single-sheet executions
· No more glue and paper – the new posters attach directly to the structure
· Visual quality is comparable to vinyl executions
· Unaffected by weather

I’d be happy to arrange a time for you to speak with an executive from Clear Channel Outdoor to discuss why they are making this change, as well how it will help the environment, if you’re interested.

Kind regards,
Sharon
________________________________________


Sharon Oh
Account Executive – Public Relations
Brainerd Communicators, Inc.
521 Fifth Avenue, 8th Floor
New York, NY 10175
Tel: 212-986-6667
Fax: 212-986-8302
oh@braincomm.com

Visit our website at http://www.braincomm.com

Tell me, Sharon, do you feel morally justified in calling this an “eco” makeover, or are you just greenwashing? What does your heart tell you?

Now this is what should happen to billboards: preferably through the actions of the public, rather than any political party. Removing advertising is freeing people’s minds: the only ecological billboard is one that contains no advertising.

Enjoy this story:

Posted in Adverts, Corporate Hypocrisy, Subvertising, Techno Fixes | No Comments »

Chevron: Will You Join Us? Don’t Be Stupid!

Posted by keith on 2nd March 2009

Chevron Inhuman Energy small

Oil companies want you to use their products, and despite what they may appear to say, they really want you to use oil. I will repeat this: oil companies want you to use oil. That seems obvious, but you would be forgiven for thinking otherwise – I really would forgive you.

In fact, it would be fair to say that, given the raison d’etre of any oil company is to make money from selling oil, they will consider anything that does not allow them to make a profit from selling oil as commercial suicide. Nevertheless – and this is why I would forgive you – they are doing an incredible job convincing us that they are actually benign, even beneficial, entities. The public at large are very much aware that oil companies trade in death; not only through their greenhouse gas emitting activities, but through their politically smokescreened desire to expand their global reach, whatever the environmental or social cost.

They are prepared to start wars to get oil.

They are prepared to destroy ecosystems to get oil.

They are prepared to displace humans to get oil.

They are prepared to do anything it takes to ensure that they profit from the business of extracting, refining, distributing and selling oil. But looking like a monster isn’t a good thing in these marginally more environmentally conscious days (if only from the point of view of the public), so it is vital to look and sound like the Jolly Green Giant – and the less you look like a giant at all, the more likely you are to convince us all that oil isn’t such a bad thing, and neither is economic growth, mass consumption, ceaseless driving and hyperexploitation of disappearing habitats.

We’re all in this together, aren’t we? Chevron want you to Join Them: “Will You Join Us” they plaintively ask, “we care too.”

One of the most critical environmental challenges facing the world today is reducing long-term growth in greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions. The use of fossil fuels to meet the world’s energy needs has contributed to an increase in GHGs—mainly carbon dioxide and methane—in the earth’s atmosphere. Many think this increase is leading to climate change, with potentially adverse effects on people, economies, and the environment—from coastal flooding, to droughts, to changes in ecosystems and biodiversity. Many governments and businesses agree on the importance of addressing the risk of climate change. The challenge is to do so while still providing the energy required to meet the demands of growing populations and economies.

Time to deconstruct this statement, and see what they really think:

“One of the most critical” It is easily the most critical environmental “challenge”, and unlike almost any other change, is irreversible in the medium term due to the presence of a host of positive feedback loops. They are purposely downplaying the climate crisis because it would not pay to scare the consuming public.

“long-term growth” What about short- and medium-term growth? This is not something Chevron would want to address, because that will mean taking immediate action – they only want to appear to want to change, which is easy to do when you have long-term targets to satisfy.

“to meet the world’s energy needs” This essentially means that the need has to be met; our fundamental consumer industrial behaviour cannot change because this is commercially damaging, therefore, by inserting a baseline proposition (“the world’s energy needs”) we are presented with no possibility of fundamental change.

“Many think this increase is leading to climate change” Notice the lack of any concensus being presented: it must be made clear that there is uncertainty, rather than almost total agreement within the scientific body of evidence, for with uncertainly remains the ability to keep moving the goalposts. This is a very dangerous contention that Chevron are making; but it is no different to that of any other major corporation.

“Many governments and businesses agree” This is clever: by juxtaposing the far more sceptical governments and businesses with the scientific body of evidence, using the same phrasing, Chevron have managed to imply that governments and businesses are doing (or will do) exactly what is required to deal with climate change. The statement “Many governments and businesses agree” is actually true: it is the context that is so misleading.

“while still providing the energy required to meet the demands of growing populations and economies.” This is essentially a repeat of the opener, but in more strident terms, and with a twist: by bringing population into it, you actually reveal the “inevitability” view that corporations have to maintain. The “inevitable” growth of population and the economy is what corporations need to maintain their business, and by presenting this as a fait accompli, we are led to think there is nothing we can do about them; which is a blatant lie.

I was led to this horrible, cynical campaign by an emailer, whose comments, I think sum the campaign up rather well:

In train stations, at bus stops, online, even on our coffee cups, Chevron ads are trying to convince us that the key to ending our energy crisis is individual action. Over pictures of everyday Americans, taglines from Chevron’s “Will You Join Us” ad campaign read:

“I will leave the car at home more.”
“I will take my golf clubs out of the trunk.”
“I will replace 3 light bulbs with CFLs.”
“I will finally get a programmable thermostat.”
“I will consider buying a hybrid.”

All good ideas, certainly, but no matter how many clubs they’re carrying in their golf bags, no matter how many light bulbs they change, no matter how hard they consider that hybrid, the folks at Chevron could probably do a little more.

Like go out of business, perhaps?

Posted in Company Policies, Corporate Hypocrisy, Promotions, Techno Fixes | 3 Comments »

Random Greenwash Generator Goes Crazy

Posted by keith on 25th February 2009

Former Technology

It’s time for a buttock-clenchingly terrible email from a PR company who have found a brilliant way of promoting lots of companies’ products at the same time – yes they are telling the recipients of spam emails how green these products and services are! What? Are you not overcome by the exciting possibilities of this wonderful new concept? How very cynical: anyone would think you see this every day…

Dear Sir or Madam,

Green is all the talk around the globe these days, whether it’s about making green, saving green or protecting green (the earth that is). We’ve come up with a list of top websites and new technology that are must have green gadgets that save both money and the planet’s resources – for families and businesses alike. And if you’re smart enough – there’s a money game bonus that may allow for extra discretionary spending – like a family vacation at the end of the year!

Right, so that’s four uses of the word “green” in the first sentence; and who are you, anyway? And this “money game bonus” makes no sense at all – you save money and then you spend it; that makes lots of sense.

Gadget & Website Round-Up That’ll “Save Green”

What the f*** does “Save Green” mean??!!! You have just inserted a random verb in front of the word “Green” in order to…I’ve no idea, my head hurts.

#1: Don’t blink when you open your monthly bills! Reduce every one of your utility bills by 10%. Automatically save 3% on your energy bill by lowering your thermostat by one degree. You’ll never notice the difference in your house, but you will notice the difference on your bill. Change your calling plan or get rid of your landline unless it’s a must have. One upcoming gadget that will help you detect just where you need insulation is the Thermal Leak Detector from Black & Decker. It’s a small hand-held device that measures the temperature as you move along walls, floors, ceilings and so on, and tells you when there’s a drop in temperature, helping you hone in on any drafts.

First plug, for that purveyor of leaf blowers, leaf suckers, electronic wotsits and mechanical gizmos that every year we are tempted to buy and which will sit in the shed or attic for years having used them once. It’s the disposable economy, except it just fills up your own home rather than the beaches and riverbanks of India.

Now, I have a brilliant Thermal Leak Detector idea: it’s called YOUR HAND!

#2: Even Oprah’s doing it. Video chat and “virtual boardrooms” are emerging as a viable and budgetary solution for businesses families and job seekers alike, as well as other communities, (such as the deaf, students, military), and is becoming a daily routine that allows for free “face-to-face” communication that allows you to see everyone, without leaving your home! ooVoo (is a unique video communications solution as it allows up to six people to participant in the same conversation (3 people for free), offers file sharing and the ability to record video chat sessions.

Oh well, that’s it! If Oprah’s doing it then there’s no question at all that every person on Earth must do it as well. And what the hell has this got to do with “Saving Green” (or maybe it has lots to do with it, because I still have no idea what it means)

#3: Flying these days can be very expensive and damaging to our environment. Start-up, global car rental company VroomVroomVroom helps consumers go green while saving green. The site allows rates and amenity comparisons for all classes of vehicles from major car rental companies-Alamo, Avis, Budget, Enterprise, Hertz, National and Thrifty-with a lowest price guarantee. And no matter what the needs of your trip – a hybrid or compact car for better fuel efficiency, or an SUV to fit the family and your luggage– the site offsets carbon emissions for every car rented through the site, at no cost to the customer.

Yes, flying is damaging to the environment; and how precisely is this linked to car rental? You don’t say. I went to VroomVroomVroom (presumably “VroomVroom” was already taken) and what do I see on the front page? Car hire from London Heathrow Airport – way to go!

#4: Buy used gadgets. Buying a pre-owned electronic accomplishes two excellent goals. First, you help to extend the lifetime of the gadget, lowering its carbon footprint, and secondly, you save money. With the rate at which manufacturers churn out new gadgets, buying barely used gadgets in great shape is an easy task and usually is much less expensive, even for the latest gear. There are great buyback companies such as TechForward that sell refurbished electronics, and places like Craigslist and eBay are also good places to look. Of course, the manufacturers usually offer refurbished gear at reduced prices as well. You might even find what you’re seeking free of charge on networks like Freecycle.

What lovely comforting words, and she is having a go at the manufacturers who “churn out new gadgets”. Let’s go to the TechForward website: oh! They are saying “Accelerate Your Digital Lifestyle”. That’s not going to “Save Green” is it?

#5: Play a money game. Pick a quarter, a nickel or even a penny. Whenever you get that spare change, put it aside. You’ll have more money saved before you miss a dime. While, most banks will no longer count change for you, they will accept pre-rolled coins as deposits. CoinStar, on the other hand, will cash out change for you, but they have a 10% surcharge. Why not just sort and roll them yourself? Use FastSort Electric Coin Sorter and when you go to the bank, take in a bunch of coin rolls and deposit them. Over time, the device pays for itself over the amount you would lose using CoinStar.

“Oh bugger”, says Alyssa, “I forgot to send out the promos for CoinStar. How can I do it on the cheap? I know, I’ll include them in this “Green” email and maybe people won’t notice that there’s nothing green at all about them. And as a bonus, because they are in an email which is all about being green people might think CoinStar are a bit green, even though they are not.”

For more information, hi-res images or interviews with leading CEOs that are seeing a “green return” on their eco-friendly business models, please contact me at Alyssa@pjinc.net or call me at 212-629-8445.

Thanks!

Alyssa

Go on, give Alyssa a call, or send her an email, telling her how much you enjoyed reading her email.

Posted in Corporate Hypocrisy, Promotions, Techno Fixes | 5 Comments »

Up Yours, Admiral Insurance!

Posted by keith on 23rd February 2009

Admiral Two Cars

There’s a great Monty Python sketch centred around an actor called Arthur Jackson, who happens to have two sheds. The interviewer siezes upon this fact and constantly refers to him as Arthur “Two Sheds” Jackson, much to the chagrin of poor “Two Sheds” who is desperate to talk about his acting work rather than the size and content of his sheds. I have three sheds and, up until my insurance expires in a couple of weeks time, have car insurance with a large company called Admiral.

Admiral “Two Cars” Insurance.

At this point I must place a short disclaimer: Yes, we do have car, the same one we’ve had for 8 years, which we originally bought before our views on environmental damage hardened. It is driven about once every week or two, so we have to insure it. It’s very likely that we’ll be getting rid of it soon, because it does feel hypocritical having one and, as I say, it’s hardly ever used. Still, it gives me a chance to talk about this…

Admiral are running a series of television adverts in the UK espousing the availability of a special deal for households with more than one car; basically you can insure the second (and presumably third, fourth, fifth etc.) for less than the first one:

Single, married or sharing a house – you can save with MultiCar as long as the cars are registered at that address. Even someone with two or more cars is eligible for great discounts with Admiral MultiCar.

This same stance is repeated on the main page of their web site — actually it virtually is the main page of their web site. Now, car insurance is insurance for cars; but this is quite clearly an endorsement of those very many households who, in their flawed wisdom, have decided that they have to have two or more cars in order to live their lives. And to think, I feel bad about having one car!

For that, and that alone, I’m transferring our insurance to a company that at least makes a decent effort to get people out of their cars rather than living their lives enclosed in polluting metal boxes. If I were slightly less hard-line then I would probably even tell you their name…

Posted in Corporate Hypocrisy, Revenge | No Comments »